After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
How's work?
Spinning.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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