She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
