So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
