hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
