Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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