Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
