Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
