Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
