My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
