after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
