And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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