i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
