I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
