Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
