her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize