I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
