Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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