if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Your cock deserves a montage
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
