yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
