Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
