so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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