she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You pole danced in your parka.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
