I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
