i may or may not be watching the land before time
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
