i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
