he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
