How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
