someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
