My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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