Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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