Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
