What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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