I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize
