R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
