I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I FOUND THE LEGS
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
