Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
