just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
