i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize