Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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