She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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