so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
