This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
