End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize