Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
