glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
