I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
