"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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