my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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