We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
