They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
