The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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