ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Be still, my beating vagina.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
And then my night got REAL pukey
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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