I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
