Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
