haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
