I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Randomize
