Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
