I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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