happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
