How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
