So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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