I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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