Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
