But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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