i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
