My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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