I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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